Out of the closet, on to the sheets of paper
- Hey man! What’sup?
You haven’t seen each other for two years. Sometimes you exchanged messages via Instagram, but rather sporadically.
- Very nice. How are you holding up?
Courtesy. Small talk. Anything, to find something in common and hook the conversation safely.
- Cool. I just came back to Poland and thought it would be nice to meet. You know, like the good ol’ days.
What a delusion. You can’t bring back “the good ol’ days”. What’s done is done. Just move on.
- Great idea. Shall we go sit down for a beer? You’ll tell me about everything.
Worse than a pair of flaps. You both know it’s not about the past. Somewhere is a mystery that brought you here. Somewhere, soon, with a beer bottle in your hand. You will find out why are you exchanging pleasantries now.
- There’s a barge bar nearby. We can sit there on deckchairs and grab a beer.
How much alcohol does it take to get to the point? Perhaps only the hiss of the first cap is enough to start the statement with, “Listen, I have something to tell you …”. The next few words will come down to explaining the problem he has encountered. Actually, what kind of problem have you both encountered. Nothing is ever selfless. Nobody is ever disinterested.
The first beer
Weather. Life in a big city. Trip abroad. Lockdown. Return. A bit about work. Nothing special. Small talk classics.
Second beer
Women. Politics. Elon Musk. Conspiracy theories. Deeper, but not deep enough.
Third beer and a shot of vodka with lemon.
- Listen up. I wanted to ask you something.
Here we go. What will it be? Something classic like a financial pyramid. Or cash for a new, great business opportunity. It took three beers and a shot to build up the courage. Hopefully, not a declaration of love. uhhh… this is the worst. It’s always awkward. First, he will say that “he learned something about himself while away. He always respected you and blah blah blah”. Then you will find out that he would like to try a “threesome”. Girl is unnecessary for him, but he wants you to feel comfortable.
- It’s a very delicate matter for me. You are the only one I can trust with it.
The key in the old wardrobe clicks and turns. The door creaks open.
- Something happened … to me. I do not know how to say it.
Behind the squeaky door, you can already see garments on hangers and shoes in boxes. So many shoes. Everything in flashy rainbow colors.
- God, that’s so stupid. I can’t believe I’m saying this. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I really care about you.
Furs, tight T-shirts, leather pants, cop caps, Ray Ban aviators and mustache with non-toxic glue. Everything you need in men’s-only club.
- I’d like you to see something and tell me what you think.
He reaches for the phone. All in all, a good place for such confessions. Lots of people. There will be no scene. You’d choose that for a breakup. Too bad it’s not a breakup. He unlocked the screen.
- Could you read this? I know it’s a bit weird, but I really need it.
You take the phone and start reading. Surprisingly, this is not a love letter about deeply hidden feelings. It’s a story. About two colleagues. Friends, actually. One of them comforts the other after the break-up. The girl cheated on him. He is devastated, but the friend is with him and turns out to be a great listener. Is that foreplay? You look over the phone at him.
- What is this? Are you trying to tell me, you broke up with someone? I don’t really get it.
You were not prepared for this. There is still fear in your head that the story is inspired by you both. The next page may contain detailed love scenes. And once you read that, you can’t unread that.
- Please. Finish. I’ll explain everything.
You go back to reading. The guys fly into a post-breakup binge and wake up in a different city. Hotel room and a terrible hangover. Dead girl in the bathroom. The End.
- What’s next?
Curiosity prevails over fear of male intimacy. The meeting turns out to be something different from what you expected.
- That’s why I invited you here.
It just got hotter now. You could use one more beer. But before that, you must ask.
- Did you kill someone? Or no… don’t answer that. Just say if you want to go dig a hole. In which, of course, we’ll make a campfire to burn the things left by your ex.
Your friend bursts out laughing. It’s a little reassuring. The murderer wouldn’t be laughing like that. Right?
- No. We don’t have to dig anything. Calm down. I wrote this while I was sitting alone for a few months. I know it’s not much. But I still have some material at home.
Then what are you here for?
- Ok, so what do you need me for?
- I wanted to ask if you would like to do this with me. You don’t have to write. Just something like a proofreader. Sometimes I’ll send you something I wrote. You will read it and tell me whether it’s any good, and how can I improve.
A bit of a shock. After all you suspected, it turns out that the guy just wants to try something new and invites you to his project. It’s quite flattering.
- I don’t know if I am a good man for this job. I do not have experience.
- It’s not about experience. I trust you will be honest. That’s all I need. I don’t make plans for it to be the bestseller. It’s just a dream that I would like to make true. Please. Read and rate me sometimes.
He smiles. That’s the truth. He just needs someone to keep his enthusiasm going. At the same time, holding him accountable.
- No Bullshit? I mean, I’m supposed to be painfully honest?
He smiles, relaxed.
- Exactly! Don’t sugarcoat it.
You smile and hold out your hand. Shake as a sign of a sealed deal.
- No sugarcoating.
- No sugarcoating.
You can both relax now. Tilted the bottles, but it turns out yours is empty.
- This one is on me. After all, I invited you.
Takes the empty one from you and comes back with the full. You toast with your glass necks.
- Cheers
- Cheers
Cold beer. Breeze from the water. A buddy who came out of the writers’ closet. And a new project. What more could you ask for? You look ahead to the future. He leans over to you and, putting his hand to his cheek, whispers:
- Hey, I have one more question.
- Shoot! Anything for you, Buddy.
- I have a friend. She’s not exactly my type, but she is a little crazy. And maybe you would like to try a threesome? Buddy.
